The Tourist

dawgitty:

If you snap your fingers at me to hurry up I will snap your neck

i want to text a russian! (or any attractive man) 

speaking spanish is a bonus (we can have conversations in spanish) 

MESSAGE ME 

PLEASE

fuckyeahtoryparty:

frosla55:

i have 3 moods:

1. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2. ????????????????
3. ????!?!?!!?!!?!?!?!?

teamputvedev:

what do you even do on a plane

sleep

youre done motherfucker

YOU HAVE EXACTLY 1 MINUTE TO RESPOND BEFORE YOU DIE

psychocereals:

deathiero:

always remember

if i take both my headphones out when you start talking to me

you’re special 

disclaimer: if i rip them out while staring at you, you should run.

guys there are mini quiches in my house

i love mini quiches

quiches looks like its spelled wrong

but i dont think it is

partybarackisinthehousetonight:

*accidentally slams door* *gets lectured for 84 years*

partybarackisinthehousetonight:

she wears short skirts i wear the same pair of jeans every day

sodamnrelatable:

if my phone shows that he read the message and he does not respond within 5 minutes i will reach my hand through the screen and grab his throat

beyoncebeytwice:

im grateful to anyone that still wants to be my friend after getting to know me

laughcentre:

foodtrucker:

when your ear finally unpops and everything is in HD and you start hearing things you’ve never heard before

the voices of my dead ancestors